Stars and Midnight Blue
by Ponytail Goddess
Summary: AU. Severus relives several Christmases after ingesting a very special piece of candy...


**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything associated with J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series and will make no money off of my writing. I also do not own Enya's song "Stars and Midnight Blue."

**Stars and Midnight Blue**

_By Ponytail Goddess_

_Memories we share together,_

_Moments no one else can know,_

_I will keep them close to me,_

_Never let them go._

"Sev! You made it!" Lily exclaimed as she opened the door. Instantly, he was pushed inside her warm house by her eager hands. "You're just in time too—Dad finished carrying the boxes up from the basement a few minutes ago!"

Clearly unable to wait a moment longer, Lily ripped his bright orange stocking cap off his head as he unzipped his mother's tattered white coat. The coat, while warm, was stained with make-up from the previous owner and was quite a few sizes too big for Severus' scrawny eleven year-old figure. Thus, it was difficult to unzip, though Lily certainly wasn't helping by strangling him with his own scarf as she tried to remove it from his neck.

"Lily, I can do it myself!" Severus exclaimed, exasperated by her impatience.

"Then hurry up, Sev! I can't wait much longer!"

Despite being annoyed, Severus found himself smiling back at his red-haired companion. Her enthusiasm was contagious. Immediately, he kicked off his boots, then jogged after her into the Evans' parlor.

In the picture window was an evergreen with a thick trunk, held in place by a metal Muggle contraption. The tree already glowed with tiny white lights and a sparkly gold garland wrapped around it loosely.

It was perfect.

"Over here!" Lily cried with glee as she started to pry open one of the many taped boxes scattered across the floor. He watched as her fingers slid under the tape and roughly detached it from the other side of the box.

The sides were violently flung open to reveal several objects wrapped in newspaper with frozen pictures. Lily grabbed a random object from the top and ripped the paper off it quickly.

It was a little picture frame ornament, shaped like a fluffy cloud. Inside, was a picture of a red-haired baby, sitting naked in a bathtub with her short hair styled as a tall, sudsy mohawk.

"Eep!" Lily screeched, instantly flipping the little ornament over. 'Lily Evans, November 1961' was inscribed on the back with tidy, black ink. "I forgot about that one!"

Severus smiled a bit as he watched a soft blush cover her cheeks. She looked over at him, clearly mortified. "There's no reason to be embarrassed, Lily. You were a cute baby."

"Well, I'm naked in the picture, Sev! I don't understand why my mum insists on putting it on the tree for the world to see!"

Severus rolled his eyes at this. "Really, Lily—people take pictures of babies naked all the time! There's nothing wrong with it."

Lily sighed and flipped the ornament back over. "I suppose it's too late anyway; you already saw. I'm afraid my modesty is gone forever now!" she said, in an overdone voice, putting her arm over her eyes dramatically.

Leaning over, Severus snatched up the delicate ornament in his hands and took a better look. "See, absolutely adorable. You should wear your hair like this more often," he said with a smirk, earning himself a smack on the thigh from Lily, who was still theatrically sprawled out on the floor.

"Hmm…but where to put it?" Severus continued. "Oh, I know! I do believe I'll hang this at the back of the tree, so that everyone who walks by can see it through the window!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Lily called out in a shocked voice.

Severus lifted his eyebrow for a moment, then they were both suddenly on their feet, Lily running after Severus as he tore through the house with the ornament. A lot of giggling and pleading could be heard throughout the Evan's home until Lily's mum arrived to scold them for their roughhousing.

OOOOOOO

_Once you filled my hands with roses,_

_Then you gave your heart to me,_

_When a kiss had followed this,_

_Love was meant to be._

"Sev…remind me again: what in the name of Merlin's balls are we doing studying on Christmas Eve?"

Severus rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that night. "Lily—N.E.W.T.S. are a mere five months away! I made this studying schedule for us so that we would be ahead of the game and not have to cram everything in at the last minute like everyone else!"

"But Christmas Eve? Was that really necessary?" Lily whined, rolling onto her back so that she was staring at the ceiling of her bedroom.

"It's not like I'm making us study on Christmas—besides, this will help pass the time faster! Before you know it, it'll be time for me to leave. Then, you can go to bed, wake up, and voila! It will be Christmas."

He watched as she scrunched up her face with displeasure and groaned with agony.

"Oh, come now—we've only got an hour left until I'm going home. Transfiguration quiz: which set of incantations is used to transform woods into metals? Is it-"

"Sev, may I have a lick?"

"Excuse me?" he questioned, looking away from his study sheet and over to the side again.

"You're eating a candy cane. May I have a lick?" she questioned as she removed her reading glasses and set them in front of her book.

"You just want one lick?" Severus asked, sounding a bit puzzled. "You want to lick my candy cane once and then give it back to me?"

"That's right. May I?"

Severus frowned at her as she propped her head up with her hand and stared at him. "I'm not sure that's a good habit to get into, Lily. What if one of us is sick?" he questioned, still sucking on the sharpened tip of his candy cane.

"I'm not sick. Are you?" she questioned innocently.

"No."

"Well then, may I have a lick? Please?"

"Oh, is the magic word supposed to persuade me?" Severus countered, raising his eyebrows. He didn't like the way she was eyeing his candy—not one bit.

"Come on Sev…" she whined, scooting closer to him and holding her hand out while making a puppy face. "Please?"

"It's unsanitary, Lily! Besides, there are plenty left on the tree downstairs; why don't you go and get one of your own?" he asked, rolling his whole body away from her as she tried to snatch away his red and white striped treat.

"One, I'm too lazy to go all the way down the stairs just for that," Lily started, rolling up against his back and snatching at the candy cane again that he was holding at arms length. "Two, I just want one lick—I don't want to waste a whole candy cane when I only want one lick!"

Then, unable to wait a second longer, Lily attacked the tickle-spot on his side mercilessly. Snorting with mirth, Severus dropped the candy cane onto the carpet, which she immediately swiped and stuck in her mouth.

"Gross—it's probably covered in fuzz now!" Severus proclaimed, looking at her with disgust.

"Five second rule," Lily reminded him, then gave him an ornery smile. Severus watched as she slowly pulled the piece of candy out of her mouth, her eyes on him all the while.

Oh sweet Merlin…

Quickly, Severus rolled back onto his stomach to hide how tight his pants had become. While it was no surprise that it had happened after they rolled on the floor like that, he was still to embarrassed to let her know how much she affected him on a regular basis. How was it that she could fill his stomach with butterflies and his mind with dirty thoughts all within a matter of seconds?

"Mmm…so good," Lily said, winking at him. "Here you go."

Severus looked at the candy cane she held out to him.

There was carpet lint on it.

"No thank you—you may have the rest."

"I told you, I just wanted one lick," she replied, sending another wave of frustration crashing over Severus.

"Why on Earth would someone only want one lick?" Severus asked sarcastically, moving his face away from her when she tried to put the sharp point of the candy cane back into his mouth.

Lily smiled and threw the candy cane behind her carelessly. "I wanted to make sure my breath was fresh, so I could do this," she said, then grabbed his head gently between her hands and licked his lips before planting a wet kiss on them.

Severus' entire body tingled with pleasure and he immediately pushed his hands into her thick red hair and kissed her back.

Suddenly, Severus realized that studying wasn't too terribly important after all.

OOOOOOO

_Time goes by,_

_And the snow is drifting,_

_Slowly in the sky,_

_Cold, cold night,_

_As you lie beside me,_

_I can hear your heartbeat._

"Please, Sev!" Lily begged as she untied the rope that held her cream-colored, silk robe together.

"No, Lily! No, no, no! We cannot let this continue—he needs to learn to sleep in his own crib, just like Doctor Andrews recommended!" Severus countered, crossing his arms defiantly. He was not about to let her win this argument!

"It's Christmas though, Sev, and it's been such a nice one up until this point. Do you really want to ruin the mood with his crying? It's going to be hard for him and we won't get any sleep because he'll be fussing!" she countered as she gently lifted baby Harry up from his resting place on their bed.

"The sooner we get him sleeping in his own crib, the sooner he'll stop fussing! I'd rather start it tonight and get it over with," Severus argued, even as he walked over to his wife and son. Gently, he bent down and kissed the gurgling little boy on the forehead. "Good night, Harry. Now you need to say goodnight, and then we'll bring him to his crib together."

"Just one more night, Sev," he heard her plead, much more softly than before. Immediately, Severus looked away from his son and at his wife. Her eyes were glistening with extra liquid. "Please."

"Lily…" he started, feeling frustrated.

"It's just that he's growing up so fast…before you know it, he'll be a man, Sev. I just want to enjoy what little time we have to cuddle with him."

She was crying now. Severus sighed and knew that he had lost the battle. Severus bent over and kissed her gently on the forehead. "One more night—I mean it," he said softly, yet sternly. "This is the last night he's sleeping in our bed. Tomorrow he has to go to the crib."

Immediately, Lily's lips touched his in a gentle kiss, which sent a slight shiver through his body. "Thanks, sweetie," she whispered against his lips with a smile. "Tonight will be the last night, I promise. I just want to enjoy having him close to me one last time."

"He'll be close to you all day tomorrow, Lils. It's not the last time you'll be together," Severus said rather callously as he returned to his side of the bed and turned down the covers.

"I know, Sev…it's just hard to let him go. I like cuddling him at night," she said as she settled the baby in the middle of the bed.

"Well, it's not like I won't be here to cuddle with," Severus replied as he watched her snuggle up next to little Harry. Gently, she pulled the comforter up over them both and put her arm around her little son.

"I know, Sev," she said, looking up from the little boy for just one moment while to smile at him before gazing at her son once more with love-filled eyes. Severus watched her stroke Harry's soft cheek for a moment before waving the lights off with his hand.

They laid in the dark in silence for a while, Severus watching Lily and Lily watching Harry. Finally, she whispered, "He's beautiful, isn't he?"

Severus looked at his son and agreed silently. He ran a finger down his velvety cheek and watched as the baby's eyes gently began to close.

"Breathtaking."

"Better than any other gift I got this year," Lily murmured, laying her hand over Severus', which was still resting on Harry's cheek.

"Indeed."

As Lily's emerald eyes slowly began to close, Severus realized exactly how lucky he truly was.

OOOOOOO

_You have lost yourself in dreaming,_

_I have lost myself in you,_

_Now we lie beneath the sky,_

_Stars and midnight blue._

Severus didn't notice anything—not the ticking of the clock or the dripping of the leaky sink in the loo. Not the creaking of the floorboards or how cold the room was without a fire in the Floo. Not the smell of his body, nor the darkness of the room.

Lily was dead.

That was all he knew.

The only thing he could think of.

His whole life, gone. Destroyed. Ruined.

His son, taken away. He couldn't care for him, not in his current state of dishevel.

Drunk and out of his mind, he spent Christmas lying on his bed, wishing he could die.

It was his first Christmas without her since he was eight years old…

OOOOOOO

"Dad…Dad!"

Severus gasped and shook the sleep from his heavy head. When he opened his eyes, he was no longer in his desolate bedroom; instead, the surroundings of his small Hogwarts parlor filled his vision.

Severus looked up into two large, green eyes, feeling slightly shell-shocked. "Harry, what just happened to me?" he asked, still feeling slightly woozy.

Harry frowned and pulled the candy cane out of his hand that he had been eating earlier. "I'm sorry—I would have warned you about these, but I didn't think you liked them. Fred and George sent them to me; they're called 'Memory Lane Candy Canes.' They're supposed to be a nice holiday prank—a piece of candy that makes you unexpectedly relive several of your past Christmas memories. Unfortunately, it's not very nice—it freezes your body upon contact with your tongue, so you can't stop reliving the memories until the candy has dissolved in your mouth, or if it's pulled out or falls out or something…you get the idea."

Yes, Severus did get the idea, but he certainly wasn't too happy about it.

"You knew that and you put them on the tree anyway?" Severus questioned, his eyes narrowing in a way that made Harry flinch.

"I'm sorry, Dad, really, I am! They just sent me so many, and I didn't know what they were when I first got them. I relived all of my Christmases at the Dursley's when I tried one and no one came and pulled it out of my mouth to make it stop—I sat there in a trance for an hour before it completely dissolved in my mouth."

"Harry, that has nothing to do with why you put them on the tree," Severus said, grabbing his wand out of his lap and banishing the half-eaten candy in his son's hand.

"Well, like I said, they sent so many of them… I didn't want to eat anymore, but I didn't want to waste them either, so I thought I'd put them on the tree to decorate it. I've never seen you eat one before, sir, so I figured they'd be left alone," Harry said nervously, his hands fidgeting a bit at his sides.

He watched as his son looked down, clearly ashamed of himself. "I'm really sorry, sir… I should have warned you."

Severus sighed at his son's poor decision, but then placed his hand on the young man's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It's okay, Harry. Apology accepted."

Harry's cheeks were slightly flushed when he looked back up at his father. "Should I take them all down, then?" he asked softly.

"I think that would be for the best," Severus replied. "We wouldn't want anyone else to unexpectedly fall into a trance and relive their worst Christmas memories."

Silently, Harry set about gathering the ornaments from large, green tree. Severus found himself helping. They worked together in a peaceful silence.

"Were all of your Christmases bad, sir?" Harry asked quietly, keeping his eyes glued on the tree even when Severus' darted over to stare at him.

Severus pretended to search the tree for more candy canes, even though both he and Harry knew they'd already gotten all of them down. He simply couldn't bring himself to look at his son when he answered, not when he was about to say something so personal.

"No…they weren't all bad. Every Christmas I spent with your mother was a good Christmas," he replied quietly, then banished all of the candy canes from both his hands and Harry's.

"Did you relive those?" Harry gently prodded.

"Yes…and some after…" he said, suddenly stopping as the memories of terrible Christmases assaulted his brain. They hadn't gotten any easier, though he had hoped they might. In fact, he'd spent most of them in a drunken stupor until…

Well, until this year.

Harry was finally back with him this year and he knew that it wouldn't do to spend the season drunk. After all, he was trying to make up for all of the years he had lost with his son and create lasting _good_ memories, not more bad ones.

He had more than enough bad ones already.

Somehow, he was certain that Harry's past Christmases hadn't been picture-perfect either.

He jumped slightly when he felt Harry's hand hesitantly wrap around him and settle on his far shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he whispered once again.

"It's not your fault," Severus countered, then turned to face him. It took all of his will power to look the boy in the eye, but somehow he managed it. "Besides, I relived several Christmases that were rather pleasant as well. Your mother loved Christmas and she wouldn't want us to be moping around like this."

Harry smiled at him.

His smile looked just like Lily's.

Somehow, Severus found the will to smile back.

This would be a Christmas worth remembering.

OOOOOOO

Thanks for reading. Honestly, this piece didn't turn out how I had originally planned for it to, so please leave a review and let me know what you think. I hope it at least does the song justice, as I am absolutely in love with this song.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!

-P.G.


End file.
